steal me away...
i can't just be her friend. i don't know why, but i'm incapable of it. wait. i know why. it's because i've already grown these impossible feelings for her, ones that can only destroy me now. it's because i've grown so attached to her, i die if i dont' hear her speak for an instant. it's because every time i look into her eyes, i get lost, and only thing i'm capable of making is a small smile. and every time i'm with her, i just want to embrace her, and never let her go.
today she came over and we watched a movie. the whole time, i was wishing that she would just hug me, cuddle with me, whatever could happen. and at the same time, i knew that it was wrong. i knew that it wasn't what she wanted from me, and that's what i wanted from her. her feelings have died for me, they are no longer what they were, and i can accept that. but my feelings haven't died for her, not in the least. it's like, i care about her so much, but no matter how i try, i can't stop. i know that this will be my end in the end. i know that in the end, it'll be all wrong, and people will get hurt. i know i know i know.... but i can't stop it...
sometimes i wish she would just hate me, so that i wouldn't confuse her like this anymore. sometiems i wish that i could crawl into a hole and never come out. and at the same time, i wish to feel her gentle lips caress mine again. to feel her soft body against mine like before. to cup her supple breast in my hand, and to hear her whisper into my ear. i wish to hold her in my arms, so that i know she is safe, and to protect her, so that i know that she'll be okay. i wish for her to always look at me and see someone she loves, the same way i look at her and know that it'll be okay....
i've fallen in love with her. there's no other way around it. i've dropped plans just to spend a couple of hours with her. i've left people out of the loop, just so she can be in it. i'm an idiot, i know. but love is such a commanding emotion. i know she no longer loves me. i know that nothing will become of my struggles. but i can't stop them, i don't know why. i find myself in class thinking of her, unless i'm sleeping... haha. i find myself awake at night, unable to sleep, because she is on my mind. i find that all i want is to hold her. i could care less about anything else. last night iwas up on the phone with her until four in the morning. i had to wake up at 7. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to go about it, because although i cherish every second we spend together, i know she doesn't feel the same way, and i know that in the end, she no longer loves me.
i can't stop loving her, no matter how hard i try, and i feel that it might be my end....
it's so funny how i play the hypocrite. i make people decide their lives when i can't even decide my own. i'm so weak, i'm such a lost cause. it's no wonder why people think little of me, it's so dumb. how could i have been so weak and stupid to fall in love with someone i knew i couldn't have? despite the qualities she has, i knew i couldn't be in her life like that, and now i'm ruining what wonderful thing i had with her. i don't know anymore, idon't know... the three words i hate are prevailant in my mind as we speak, and it's so hard to try to just think about it. its so hard to try to walk away... it's so hard to try not to love anymore.......
"and when i wake up you'll be there, and it will be the way it was, the way it was...."
"once you leave neverland, you forget how to fly..."
today she came over and we watched a movie. the whole time, i was wishing that she would just hug me, cuddle with me, whatever could happen. and at the same time, i knew that it was wrong. i knew that it wasn't what she wanted from me, and that's what i wanted from her. her feelings have died for me, they are no longer what they were, and i can accept that. but my feelings haven't died for her, not in the least. it's like, i care about her so much, but no matter how i try, i can't stop. i know that this will be my end in the end. i know that in the end, it'll be all wrong, and people will get hurt. i know i know i know.... but i can't stop it...
sometimes i wish she would just hate me, so that i wouldn't confuse her like this anymore. sometiems i wish that i could crawl into a hole and never come out. and at the same time, i wish to feel her gentle lips caress mine again. to feel her soft body against mine like before. to cup her supple breast in my hand, and to hear her whisper into my ear. i wish to hold her in my arms, so that i know she is safe, and to protect her, so that i know that she'll be okay. i wish for her to always look at me and see someone she loves, the same way i look at her and know that it'll be okay....
i've fallen in love with her. there's no other way around it. i've dropped plans just to spend a couple of hours with her. i've left people out of the loop, just so she can be in it. i'm an idiot, i know. but love is such a commanding emotion. i know she no longer loves me. i know that nothing will become of my struggles. but i can't stop them, i don't know why. i find myself in class thinking of her, unless i'm sleeping... haha. i find myself awake at night, unable to sleep, because she is on my mind. i find that all i want is to hold her. i could care less about anything else. last night iwas up on the phone with her until four in the morning. i had to wake up at 7. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to go about it, because although i cherish every second we spend together, i know she doesn't feel the same way, and i know that in the end, she no longer loves me.
i can't stop loving her, no matter how hard i try, and i feel that it might be my end....
it's so funny how i play the hypocrite. i make people decide their lives when i can't even decide my own. i'm so weak, i'm such a lost cause. it's no wonder why people think little of me, it's so dumb. how could i have been so weak and stupid to fall in love with someone i knew i couldn't have? despite the qualities she has, i knew i couldn't be in her life like that, and now i'm ruining what wonderful thing i had with her. i don't know anymore, idon't know... the three words i hate are prevailant in my mind as we speak, and it's so hard to try to just think about it. its so hard to try to walk away... it's so hard to try not to love anymore.......
"and when i wake up you'll be there, and it will be the way it was, the way it was...."
"once you leave neverland, you forget how to fly..."
posted by p03tic_tr4g3dy at 11:51 AM
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