the things i thought i knew
i thought i knew alot of things about caitlin, and how i felt about her. but i don't know, now that i've gotten a full perspective of things, they became clear...
tonight, for starters, sucked. caitlin and i decided last minute to go to the movies, so we did. um, i got us lost, cuz i was on the phone tlaking to someone to get us tickets, and so i found our way back, with caitlin as a guide. she was driving. anywys, in the car, things just didn't feel right. i found that the more time i spend with her, the less i want to be in a romantic relationship with her... i don't know what it is, but it just is. so anyways, back to the "date..." right.
we got to the movies, watched a movie and left. that was about it. there wasn't much flirting or anything because well.... it just didn't feel right. like i tried, i really did, but nope, i had just about zero attraction to her today... so anyways, we are driving home, and i get us pseudo lost again, because, once again, i'm on the phone-excuse me for worrying about the whereabouts of my car.... caitlin gets frustrated and lets me drive.. fine, i drive home, in almost absolute silence.
on the drive home, i try to do a friendly thing-put gas in her car- but she was adamant that i didn't.... thats' not my style... so anyways, she ended blowing up over this stupid thing about what i said... omg... so ghey, i mean c'mon, it was just a joke anyways... (*for those who want to know, i said that i loved driving third only to sex and paintball, but caitlin didnt' hear the word paintball, and she bugged me about it, and i wouldn't tell her till the end...) that's why she blew up... wow.
we get to her house, she storms out of the car, and goes inside... very mature, i mean, c'mon, for someone who tells me she's so ready for life, it seems otherwise... anyways i left her some money in her car, and tried to drive off in my friends car.... notice the word tried... his tire was flat... greeeaattt.. so i had to change it, and then i got home... yay.
that was the events of tonight, a night that has opened my eyes to alot of things. one thing is that i've noticed caitlin and i are most definately not in the same place and mind frame. she is...i don't knw what she is, but i know what i am, and that's not it. so yeah, tonight was a real killer on what i thought was a good thing, turns out not to be. at least now i know, before either of us did anything stupid. ah well...
i dunno what happens now... i think i'm just gonna give it a break. yeeaahhh, a break. i'm tired of doing this to myself. oh well. i dn't know how i feel about emily either, but i don't mind being with her, it's nice, we have a good time when we're together. i think i'll just stop the whole hanging out scene as far as caitlin and i are concerned, at least for now... i don't know though, we'll just have to see...
it's so funny how when you think you know things, it turns out that things aren't at all how they seem... isn't it?
"with this knife i'll cut out the part of me, the part that cares for you,
with this knife, i'll cut out the heart of me, the heart that cares for you...."
-smile empty soul
tonight, for starters, sucked. caitlin and i decided last minute to go to the movies, so we did. um, i got us lost, cuz i was on the phone tlaking to someone to get us tickets, and so i found our way back, with caitlin as a guide. she was driving. anywys, in the car, things just didn't feel right. i found that the more time i spend with her, the less i want to be in a romantic relationship with her... i don't know what it is, but it just is. so anyways, back to the "date..." right.
we got to the movies, watched a movie and left. that was about it. there wasn't much flirting or anything because well.... it just didn't feel right. like i tried, i really did, but nope, i had just about zero attraction to her today... so anyways, we are driving home, and i get us pseudo lost again, because, once again, i'm on the phone-excuse me for worrying about the whereabouts of my car.... caitlin gets frustrated and lets me drive.. fine, i drive home, in almost absolute silence.
on the drive home, i try to do a friendly thing-put gas in her car- but she was adamant that i didn't.... thats' not my style... so anyways, she ended blowing up over this stupid thing about what i said... omg... so ghey, i mean c'mon, it was just a joke anyways... (*for those who want to know, i said that i loved driving third only to sex and paintball, but caitlin didnt' hear the word paintball, and she bugged me about it, and i wouldn't tell her till the end...) that's why she blew up... wow.
we get to her house, she storms out of the car, and goes inside... very mature, i mean, c'mon, for someone who tells me she's so ready for life, it seems otherwise... anyways i left her some money in her car, and tried to drive off in my friends car.... notice the word tried... his tire was flat... greeeaattt.. so i had to change it, and then i got home... yay.
that was the events of tonight, a night that has opened my eyes to alot of things. one thing is that i've noticed caitlin and i are most definately not in the same place and mind frame. she is...i don't knw what she is, but i know what i am, and that's not it. so yeah, tonight was a real killer on what i thought was a good thing, turns out not to be. at least now i know, before either of us did anything stupid. ah well...
i dunno what happens now... i think i'm just gonna give it a break. yeeaahhh, a break. i'm tired of doing this to myself. oh well. i dn't know how i feel about emily either, but i don't mind being with her, it's nice, we have a good time when we're together. i think i'll just stop the whole hanging out scene as far as caitlin and i are concerned, at least for now... i don't know though, we'll just have to see...
it's so funny how when you think you know things, it turns out that things aren't at all how they seem... isn't it?
"with this knife i'll cut out the part of me, the part that cares for you,
with this knife, i'll cut out the heart of me, the heart that cares for you...."
-smile empty soul
posted by p03tic_tr4g3dy at 11:08 PM
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