two conversations... both helpful.... i guess...

from a dear friend who knows me very well....

DocAmaranth (10:28:35 PM): hey
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:31:03 PM): j0
DocAmaranth (10:31:28 PM): hows life treating you
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:31:38 PM): ewwy
DocAmaranth (10:32:32 PM): is that some sorta crappy emmy or something?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:32:43 PM): http://www.tr4g3dy.blogspot.com/
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:32:50 PM): read the second and first blogs from the top


p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:35:43 PM): never a dull moment in my life, i swear
DocAmaranth (10:40:22 PM): dosent seem like to much of a problem tell you the truth
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:41:13 PM): what do u think i should do?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:41:19 PM): she's eating me
DocAmaranth (10:41:21 PM): not to belittle your situation any, but didnt you already stop talking to her
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:41:26 PM): tried to
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:41:32 PM): but i went on a date with her friday night
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:41:36 PM): and u can tell what happened
DocAmaranth (10:41:44 PM): and when you did, you tried your best to end the conversation
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:42:03 PM): tried i guess
DocAmaranth (10:42:08 PM): and if that wasnt enough evidence, on the date you "felt something was wrong"
DocAmaranth (10:42:14 PM): and unnattracted because of this
DocAmaranth (10:42:39 PM): ill put it as simply as this
DocAmaranth (10:42:47 PM): neither of you wants a relationship
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:43:03 PM): but we were best friends before all of this
DocAmaranth (10:43:05 PM): both of you care for eachother
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:43:11 PM): so now i'm contemplating ending it
DocAmaranth (10:43:16 PM): but neither of you wanted a relationship
DocAmaranth (10:43:23 PM): thats besides the point
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:43:33 PM): ok
DocAmaranth (10:43:48 PM): whether you end your conversations with her is your choice
DocAmaranth (10:43:57 PM): but i do insist that you end them for the right reasons
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:44:13 PM): what would they be at this point?
DocAmaranth (10:44:27 PM): shes right that when she stopped putting out, you stopped being attracted to her
DocAmaranth (10:44:55 PM): and truth be told, thats basically what lust is
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:45:02 PM): right
DocAmaranth (10:45:09 PM): so her claim that you lusted after her was true
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:45:11 PM): but we were friends before any lust was instilled
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:45:14 PM): yes, it was
DocAmaranth (10:45:21 PM): but her claim that thats all you two had, was indeed false
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:46:08 PM): yeah...
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:46:28 PM): do you think that this friendship is worth, or able to be salvaged?
DocAmaranth (10:46:52 PM): not at this point and time no
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:47:09 PM): so u think i should give it some space, or just end it?
DocAmaranth (10:47:15 PM): it be like asking a burn victim to go to a bonfire
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:47:23 PM): lol
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:47:27 PM): why the analogy?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:47:32 PM): and how does it correlate?
DocAmaranth (10:47:44 PM): both of you are hurt, and for different reasons
DocAmaranth (10:48:04 PM): she feels betrayed and you feel unreasonably villianized
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:48:36 PM): yea
DocAmaranth (10:49:58 PM): http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2004-11-10&res=l
DocAmaranth (10:50:33 PM): comedic relief
DocAmaranth (10:50:40 PM): plus im about to head out
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:50:46 PM): yea
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:50:55 PM): alright, thanks for ur help, once again
DocAmaranth (10:50:57 PM): all i can say is in my opinion, you two need a hiatious
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:51:03 PM): hiatious?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:51:09 PM): i forget what that means...
DocAmaranth (10:51:13 PM): however its spelled
DocAmaranth (10:51:15 PM): a break
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:51:18 PM): yeha
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:51:20 PM): i htought so
DocAmaranth (10:51:26 PM): but not an end
DocAmaranth (10:51:31 PM): you are good friends
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:51:35 PM): right
DocAmaranth (10:51:43 PM): i suggest that you talk to her online, but refrain to talking on the phone
DocAmaranth (10:51:57 PM): it can be to personal at times, more so than the internet
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:52:06 PM): yeah
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:52:10 PM): i agree
DocAmaranth (10:52:13 PM): maybe those blog things could be a useful tool in mending your relations
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:52:27 PM): maybe
DocAmaranth (10:52:30 PM): but other than that, only time will tell how you feel about her
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:52:37 PM): that's how i feel right now
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:52:40 PM): i dont' want to make a decision
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:52:46 PM): i just want to kinda feel things out
DocAmaranth (10:53:20 PM): finding how you feel about the situation is much more important than trying to figure out how she feels
DocAmaranth (10:53:29 PM): see you in a couple of days





and lastly one from caitlin... i dunno what to do about this shiza

Blondiechic514 (9:48:31 PM): what the hell angel ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:48:40 PM): umm?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:48:44 PM): hi to you too
Blondiechic514 (9:48:58 PM): we've gone our seperate ways ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:49:01 PM): umm
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:49:09 PM): yeah...
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:49:12 PM): haven't we?
Blondiechic514 (9:49:24 PM): and you hate to lose a friend, especially this one ?
Blondiechic514 (9:49:35 PM): so what, we stop kissing and we can't be friends anymore ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:49:40 PM): ..
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:49:42 PM): yeah
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:49:45 PM): that's exactly it
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:49:49 PM): u guessed me so well
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:49:51 PM): cuz i'm so shallow..
Blondiechic514 (9:49:53 PM): umm why ?
Blondiechic514 (9:50:03 PM): well thats what i fucking sounds like
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:50:08 PM): umm
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:50:14 PM): that's not at all what it is
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:50:29 PM): so step off your high horse because this isn't about us not kissing
Blondiechic514 (9:50:33 PM): well give me some insight please
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:50:38 PM): umm
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:50:39 PM): we
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:50:40 PM): well
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:51:12 PM): friday night you acted really shitty, and it's been like that before, and i decided that if that's the way it's gonna be, i don't wanna be around it
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:51:13 PM): and also
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:51:23 PM): dustin told me that it needed to be done
Blondiechic514 (9:51:34 PM): that our friendship needed to be done ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:51:40 PM): yeah
Blondiechic514 (9:51:44 PM): because i could care less about anything else
Blondiechic514 (9:51:50 PM): and you're going to listen to him ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:51:53 PM): umm
Blondiechic514 (9:52:21 PM): ...??
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:52:36 PM): i don't know
Blondiechic514 (9:52:45 PM): it sounds like you want to
Blondiechic514 (9:52:47 PM): so just let me know
Blondiechic514 (9:53:00 PM): whenever you decide
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:53:04 PM): i don't know
Blondiechic514 (9:53:55 PM): well if i didn't sufficiently apologize before
Blondiechic514 (9:54:00 PM): i'm really sorry for the way i acted
Blondiechic514 (9:54:09 PM): no excuses no explanations i'm just sorry
Blondiechic514 (9:54:18 PM): i'll leave you in peace now
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:54:30 PM): well
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:54:33 PM): i just wanna know why
Blondiechic514 (9:56:10 PM): i don't know, i was mad because we got lost, i was mad because you acted like it was all my fault, i don't like taking money from people and yet you insist all the time, and you wouldn't tell me what you said, for no reason, just to make me mad... i don't know. i just wanted it to be over thats all
Blondiechic514 (9:56:14 PM): immature fine
Blondiechic514 (9:56:23 PM): childish, whatever name you can come up for it
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:56:32 PM): so u wanted it to be over?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:56:39 PM): we coulda left before the movie
Blondiechic514 (9:56:41 PM): but i'd like to think that you of all people would understand that i'm not perfect
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:56:46 PM): and i do
Blondiechic514 (9:56:47 PM): i wanted the night to be over
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:56:53 PM): but to get mad over something like that, and act that way
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:56:55 PM): that says alot
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:57:02 PM): i'm not perfect either
Blondiechic514 (9:57:02 PM): what does it say? ???
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:57:49 PM): it says that you're not ready to be friends with someone who you've tried to have a romantic relationship with....
Blondiechic514 (9:58:08 PM): it had nothing to fucking do with that
Blondiechic514 (9:58:14 PM): i was just in a fucking pissy mood
Blondiechic514 (9:58:18 PM): get off your high horse ass hole
Blondiechic514 (9:58:25 PM): its not all about the kissing thing
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:58:28 PM): i never had a high horse
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:58:30 PM): it's kinda low
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:58:42 PM): like a miniature
Blondiechic514 (9:59:30 PM): who says i can't be friends ?? curtis and i are great friends
Blondiechic514 (9:59:37 PM): after all the shit we did to each other
p03tic 7r4g3dy (9:59:40 PM): okay
Blondiechic514 (9:59:42 PM): i was pissed about the night
Blondiechic514 (9:59:52 PM): the kissing thing whether it happened or no makes no difference to me
Blondiechic514 (9:59:53 PM): at all
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:00:00 PM): so you want me to know that you act like that every time you get pissy?
Blondiechic514 (10:00:15 PM): i don't do it all the time
Blondiechic514 (10:00:26 PM): i'm not a fucking drama queen
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:00:46 PM): umm, as i recall, you've slapped me to the point of tears once... not cuz i was crying, but cuz it was a hard slap, mind you
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:00:50 PM): i'm just saying
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:00:56 PM): the whole night, i got over what happened
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:01:17 PM): and ramon says actions speak louder than words...
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:01:23 PM): ramon did it!
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:01:54 PM): look
Blondiechic514 (10:01:57 PM): so what it sounds like to me, correct me if i'm wrong, is that i'm too immature to be friends with you, but its taken all of this and a year of friendship for you to come to that conclusion, and once the booty call is over its the perfect time to tell me
Blondiechic514 (10:01:59 PM): thanks
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:01 PM): i didn't say that i didn't wanna be friends
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:15 PM): what booty call?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:21 PM): the fake one you tried to make?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:27 PM): all we did was make out
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:32 PM): barely anything more
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:36 PM): i would hardly call it a booty call
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:43 PM): and if i wanted booty, i could have gotten it else where
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:49 PM): it's pretty shallow of you to think like that
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:02:58 PM): and i would never expect someone like you to say shit like that
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:03:07 PM): that's really fuckin stupid and a low blow
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:03:39 PM): if all i wanted was some ass from you, why would i invest so much time and feeling into our friendship?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:03:43 PM): think caitlin... just for a second
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:03:57 PM): instead of talking with you anger, think before you say things to me
Blondiechic514 (10:04:39 PM): i'm sorry, but what am i supposed to think ?
Blondiechic514 (10:04:39 PM): honestly
Blondiechic514 (10:04:39 PM): what would you think if i did this to you
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:04:51 PM): umm
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:04:53 PM): u pretty much did
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:04:54 PM): 3 times
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:04:59 PM): if you don't recall
Blondiechic514 (10:08:16 PM): ok
Blondiechic514 (10:08:22 PM): so what do you want angel
Blondiechic514 (10:08:24 PM): so that i know
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:08:36 PM): i don't know right now
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:08:42 PM): we'll see
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:09:00 PM): i'm not someoen who makes decisions for the long run, we'll just have to see how things play out
Blondiechic514 (10:09:04 PM): o, and at least i told you what was fucking going on
Blondiechic514 (10:09:14 PM): you never said anything to me about it
Blondiechic514 (10:09:20 PM): and avoided me at school
Blondiechic514 (10:09:52 PM): i just want to know what to expect from you, like are you going to avoid me at school, ignore my phone calls... that type of deal
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:10:29 PM): i don't know yet
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:10:33 PM): we'll have to see
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:10:47 PM): because i can't say something and then just change my mind, i don't do things like that
Blondiechic514 (10:11:09 PM): right thats on my level
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:11:18 PM): ?
Blondiechic514 (10:12:42 PM): i just don't understand
Blondiechic514 (10:12:54 PM): i fuck up once and everything is in question
Blondiechic514 (10:13:04 PM): or is this all just a build up of my fuck ups ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:14:54 PM): ...
Blondiechic514 (10:16:00 PM): well what is it ??
Blondiechic514 (10:16:12 PM): can you honestly not stand me that much to throw it all away ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:18:22 PM): that's not what i said
Blondiechic514 (10:18:40 PM): then what are you saying ?? i really truly don't understand
Blondiechic514 (10:18:58 PM): what i am understanding is that its time for us to go our seperate ways completely
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:19:44 PM): i don't know what it's time fore
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:19:45 PM): for*
Blondiechic514 (10:20:25 PM): i don't understand why we can't be friends
Blondiechic514 (10:20:31 PM): why everything has to stop
Blondiechic514 (10:20:49 PM): the kissing thing i don't care, but why can we not just go back to being friends w/out all these problems ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:21:10 PM): because all of those problems will still be there
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:21:15 PM): i'm not saying we can't be friends
Blondiechic514 (10:21:18 PM): well can't we fix them ?
Blondiechic514 (10:21:25 PM): god dammit
Blondiechic514 (10:22:07 PM): way to be a bitch. get your facts straight before talking about someone. i told angel he had two things he could do, ether talk to you about all of this or just not talk to you and let your friendship pretty much fizzle away. i think youre just mad at yourself now because the guy you cheated on your boyfriend for doesnt want you anymore. and that shit about him going to be engaged soon because he talked to me? that's just bullshit, it was childish and unecessary. dont you ever try to mock my relationship
Blondiechic514 (10:22:11 PM): thats from dustin
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:22:25 PM): ....
Blondiechic514 (10:22:26 PM): i'm sorry do what you want
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:22:37 PM): i didn't tell him to say anything to you
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:22:40 PM): i actually told him not to
Blondiechic514 (10:22:43 PM): apparently, according to everyone, i am too childish to deal with anything
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:22:45 PM): so don't get on my case
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:22:51 PM): umm
Blondiechic514 (10:22:51 PM): i'm sorry
Blondiechic514 (10:22:55 PM): this isn't helping
Blondiechic514 (10:22:57 PM): i'm going to go
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:22:57 PM): look
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:23:01 PM): if you leave
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:23:03 PM): then it's done
Blondiechic514 (10:23:07 PM): fine
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:23:08 PM): if u just walk away right now
Blondiechic514 (10:23:20 PM): i wasn't the one that was going to fucking walk away
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:23:28 PM): i never said i would
Blondiechic514 (10:23:39 PM): friendship is sthe thing i value most highly out of everything
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:23:47 PM): if you didnt' remember, i dont' write my blog with the intention of you reading it
Blondiechic514 (10:23:50 PM): and losing you would hurt like nothing else
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:23:55 PM): i write it to speak how i feel, so id ont' blow up on people
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:24:02 PM): i'm sorry if you misinterepreted it
Blondiechic514 (10:24:02 PM): i read it because you didn't tell me anything
Blondiechic514 (10:24:22 PM): i'm sorry
Blondiechic514 (10:24:24 PM): you're right
Blondiechic514 (10:24:44 PM): and dustins right
Blondiechic514 (10:25:00 PM): did you give him my blog name ?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:25:04 PM): no
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:25:09 PM): i pasted the blog
Blondiechic514 (10:25:23 PM): why did you do that ?? can't i vent either ?
Blondiechic514 (10:25:37 PM): no dustin hates me, stacy soon will too
Blondiechic514 (10:25:47 PM): *niow
Blondiechic514 (10:25:49 PM): *now
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:25:52 PM): umm
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:25:59 PM): i did it because he knows whats' going on
Blondiechic514 (10:27:08 PM): i'm sorry
Blondiechic514 (10:27:13 PM): i don't know what else to say
Blondiechic514 (10:27:14 PM): or do
Blondiechic514 (10:27:20 PM): but if i walk away i lose you
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:27:26 PM): u know what
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:27:29 PM): if you want to leave
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:27:30 PM): go
Blondiechic514 (10:27:43 PM): i just don't think this is helping
Blondiechic514 (10:27:50 PM): i'm angry and you're probably not happy
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:27:58 PM): umm
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:27:59 PM): i'm fine
Blondiechic514 (10:28:00 PM): but if i walk away and its all over
Blondiechic514 (10:28:02 PM): i'm not leaving
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:28:23 PM): i just got 2 new 12" speakers in my car, and pimped out my box
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:28:28 PM): i'm in a overall good mood
Blondiechic514 (10:28:36 PM): thats good
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:29:25 PM): yeah
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:37:05 PM): well, it seems you already want me to fuck myself... so what's up then?
Blondiechic514 (10:37:23 PM): what?
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:37:48 PM): ur blog repeatedly tells me to fuck myself... is that how you feel?
Blondiechic514 (10:38:35 PM): i'm sorry i shouldn't have been mad
p03tic 7r4g3dy (10:43:56 PM): are you being sarcastic?
Blondiechic514 (10:44:14 PM): nope
Blondiechic514 (10:44:18 PM): apparently i am in the wrong here
Blondiechic514 (10:44:23 PM): and trying to make myself the right
Blondiechic514 (10:49:21 PM): if time and space is what you need
Blondiechic514 (10:49:30 PM): fine, just let me know if you ever want to talk
Blondiechic514 (10:49:52 PM): i'm not walking away, there is still calculus that i have not studied for tomorrow
Blondiechic514 (10:50:01 PM): i hope you and your family have a wonderful turkey day
Blondiechic514 signed off at 10:50:32 PM.




i dunno what's gonna happen... we'lll see...

"once you leave neverland, you forget how to fly..."