My chaos theory

I think that the butterfly effect is my new favorite movie...

to think that to have the ability to change one detail in your life, one miniscule fact in the tangled skien called life, would be incredible. to be able to alter the one regret you have in your life and see what your life could be afterward, would be something i would never have dreamed of. this movie has hit me in a way i never thought a movie could, it opened my eyes to a whole new aspect of life. not that i can change anything, but that i can learn to live with what i have and what i have done.

i have many regrets in my life, i give you that, but if i could change one i would jump at that chance. the pain of loss is one that is hard to bear, but the pain of never knowing what you've lost is even greater. to know that you've copped out on something that could have been extraordinary, is the most painful of all...

today, for the first time in a few weeks, i felt a calm i have never felt before. it was as if all burden had been lifted for only a brief second, that i, atlas, had the world off of my shoulders for just a second to rest, and then to bear it all again. talking to friends helps get me through... but this journal will help me reflect later on what i have done in my life, and how i should deal later...