Life, in the eyes of an angel
I'm not really an angel...
every kid goes through that point in life where they are afraid to be alone. They are so scared of rejection that they would do anything to be accepted... I'm not one of those kids. I am the kid who has been there so many times, loneliness is but another means of existence. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, but it that eminent presences of understanding that lacks in almost all of them.
every day I look at it and tell myself that today is a new day, a new beginning, a new leaf to overturn and start again. And every day my world crashes down around me in a giant fireball of well... Ice? No, just kidding, but seriously I do wonder why I always set myself up for disappointment. I'm not some whiny little kid with a personality defect, I have friends, fun, and excitement, I just don't like to reflect on that aspect of my life. Why log what I'm happy with when logging what I'm unhappy with will do so much more? An online journal or a journal of any type, for that matter should be an analyzation of who you are. btw, spell check sucks.... anyways, a journal should be a container of all of your bad feelings, mixed with good, but predominantly bad. i can tell you right now, it is alot more effective to express your pain on paper, or monitor, in this case, than to talk about mediocre issues of life. any memory that makes you happy may eventually fade away, and any event that changes your life dramatically will not. any emotion of pain is permanantly embedded into your mind, subconsiously or consiously, but it is still there, and you will always feel and remember it. the only way to expend that pain is to write about it.
people don't know me. they see this mellow, funloving, atttractive*cough* ahem, ATTRACTIVE guy, and when we have writing exercises in which we have to share afterwards, they see someone else. someone in pain, in love, someone so deep that he is an abyss of emotion. nobody ever thinks that of me. not until they hear what i write. how i feel, what i say, nobody ever sees that. writing is how i get my anger, sadness, fear, frustration, every negative emotion out of my body, writing, in essence ties me to sanity. if i did not write, i would not be alive right now.
every time i look at myself... i don't know what to think anymore. i don't know what to expect every day i dont' know how i will make it through... but i always do, and will continue to for now....
words of an emo kid are not words that beg for pity. they are words that the kid writes to keep from breaking down. as people break me, i will continue to write. this journal, if u will, is not then an actual journal, but rather a collection of thought from a "kid" who has experienced so much pain, that if i were to tell you my life story, you would be in tears, and that in fact, is the way i like to have it....
depression is the only feeling everyone has, all the time. if you don't learn to live off of it, it will control you. emo kids and emo music are often what people make it out to be; a cry for pity, a cry for whatever emotion they can get out of you... a true "emo band"/kid wouldn't care about any of that. and you know that because he is the one who will play a song and have an audiance to tears at the end, because they can feel the emotions and pain that that artist has written... that in essence is what emo should be....
every kid goes through that point in life where they are afraid to be alone. They are so scared of rejection that they would do anything to be accepted... I'm not one of those kids. I am the kid who has been there so many times, loneliness is but another means of existence. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, but it that eminent presences of understanding that lacks in almost all of them.
every day I look at it and tell myself that today is a new day, a new beginning, a new leaf to overturn and start again. And every day my world crashes down around me in a giant fireball of well... Ice? No, just kidding, but seriously I do wonder why I always set myself up for disappointment. I'm not some whiny little kid with a personality defect, I have friends, fun, and excitement, I just don't like to reflect on that aspect of my life. Why log what I'm happy with when logging what I'm unhappy with will do so much more? An online journal or a journal of any type, for that matter should be an analyzation of who you are. btw, spell check sucks.... anyways, a journal should be a container of all of your bad feelings, mixed with good, but predominantly bad. i can tell you right now, it is alot more effective to express your pain on paper, or monitor, in this case, than to talk about mediocre issues of life. any memory that makes you happy may eventually fade away, and any event that changes your life dramatically will not. any emotion of pain is permanantly embedded into your mind, subconsiously or consiously, but it is still there, and you will always feel and remember it. the only way to expend that pain is to write about it.
people don't know me. they see this mellow, funloving, atttractive*cough* ahem, ATTRACTIVE guy, and when we have writing exercises in which we have to share afterwards, they see someone else. someone in pain, in love, someone so deep that he is an abyss of emotion. nobody ever thinks that of me. not until they hear what i write. how i feel, what i say, nobody ever sees that. writing is how i get my anger, sadness, fear, frustration, every negative emotion out of my body, writing, in essence ties me to sanity. if i did not write, i would not be alive right now.
every time i look at myself... i don't know what to think anymore. i don't know what to expect every day i dont' know how i will make it through... but i always do, and will continue to for now....
words of an emo kid are not words that beg for pity. they are words that the kid writes to keep from breaking down. as people break me, i will continue to write. this journal, if u will, is not then an actual journal, but rather a collection of thought from a "kid" who has experienced so much pain, that if i were to tell you my life story, you would be in tears, and that in fact, is the way i like to have it....
depression is the only feeling everyone has, all the time. if you don't learn to live off of it, it will control you. emo kids and emo music are often what people make it out to be; a cry for pity, a cry for whatever emotion they can get out of you... a true "emo band"/kid wouldn't care about any of that. and you know that because he is the one who will play a song and have an audiance to tears at the end, because they can feel the emotions and pain that that artist has written... that in essence is what emo should be....
posted by p03tic_tr4g3dy at 8:57 AM
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